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Posts tagged danya

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In which we discuss Zen and the art of chicken-kicking (Also, question our sanity.)

Me:
in my next life I want to be a chicken
Danya:
But... YOU WILL NEVER KNOW WHY YOU CROSSED THE ROAD
There will always be a million different theories.
Me:
Ah but you see I will be a chicken so I WILL ALREADY KNOW
Danya:
Ah, so all chickens are just bitches by not telling anyone else.
Me:
they cannot speak, dan.
for all we know all that goddamn clucking is them trying to impart all the secrets of the universe
and we just keep thinking they're hungry/stupid
Danya:
They are hungry and mostly stupid.
Me:
how do you know?
Danya:
I kicked a chicken once.
And it just looked at me and clucked.
Me:
hahahahahahaha
what???
Danya:
No, I didn't kick a chicken.
But I shot at it with my katty.
Me:
Dan!
Danya:
I WAS YOUNG AND LIVING ON A FARM DO NOT JUDGE ME
Me:
scandalous
well, you see!
it's probably all zen and shit on account of how its vast store of knowledge has helped it to transcend normal human boundaries of thought and understanding
which is why it just looked at you and clucked
had you been able to understand it, there would have been whole WORLDS of knowledge in that cluck
Danya:
Does that mean it felt nothing? And you could legitimately kick chickens all day?
Me:
NO DANYA THAT IS NOT WHAT I AM SAYING
I am saying that on account of it having ascended to a higher plane of existence, it understands you and your need to harm small farmyard animals, and does not begrudge you your base human impulses
Danya:
So in that understanding comes forgiveness? And I could just do it over and over again and be forgiven every time?
Me:
it didn't react or retaliate because it understands the futility of violence
you cannot just kick chickens when you feel like it
all you are doing is propagating an injurious and broken society
the chicken was trying to set an example
you should follow its lead
Danya:
And let people kick me? I REFUSE TO CLUCK
Me:
METAPHOR FOR LIFE.
If we all just kept kicking chickens when we felt like it, what would that make us?
Danya:
...I really feel like kicking a chicken now.

Filed under chat danya METAPHOR FOR LIFE

Notes

In which we realise that we have zombies all wrong, but we like killing them anyway

Danya:
Because his brain is like an aphrodisiac.
Me:
mmmmm
sexy brains
I understand zombies now
they're not undead psychotic flesh-eating freaks. they just think brains are sexy.
so, if a zombie wants to eat your brains, it is just because he thinks you are smart, so it is totally a compliment
Danya:
And you should be flattered instead of frightened.
Me:
yeah
ten bucks says running away screaming is not the best way to deal with them
you should just say listen, I am very flattered, and you are a lovely zombie, but I need my brains
and then read them a few passages from remembrance of things past to placate them
and everything would be totally copacetic
Danya:
But... but... what about the guns?
Me:
the guns?
Danya:
You cannot have zombies and not have guns. The world would collapse and vanish into a black hole.
Me:
yes but that's my point. we don't need to defeat the zombies, so we don't need guns
we just need to appeal to their refined cultural sensibilities
maybe carry around an ipod with some bach on it or something
or flash cards of works by renaissance masters
Danya:
But... but... wanton violence gets me hot. Can I shoot them afterwards?

Filed under chat danya zombies