January 2011
7 posts
3 tags
In which a little context goes a long -- actually,...
Me: I told Stace about the Beyoncé-in-a-French-accent thing and she couldn't breathe she was laughing so hard
she suggested tupac next
James: Oh, that would go over well.
"Give the crack to the kids, who the hell cares? One less hungry mouth on the welfare."
Very French outlook.
Me: HAHAHAHAHA
one less 'ungry mouse on ze welfare
wait, now I sound like Werner Herzog
James: Basically, Werner Herzog was Tupac with a weird accent.
Actually, no -- Werner Herzog was probably Kanye with a weird accent. I think that is actually true.
Me: hahahahaha
good point
think about it
has anyone ever actually seen them in the same room? no?
I'm just saying.
James: Zis iz the tastiest shoe uf all timez.
On GChat →
14. Results returned by searching my GChat records for the phrases “good name for a band,” “good band name,” “what I should call my band,” “what we should call our band,” “what I will call my band,” and “what we will call our band”: Philistine Collusion, Tits on a Stick, Better Yet, The NuvaRing, Reptar, The Candy (Ass) (W)Rappers, Joe Wilson’s Outburst, Black Market Fats, White Women in...
3 tags
In which we discuss Zen and the art of...
Me: in my next life I want to be a chicken
Danya: But... YOU WILL NEVER KNOW WHY YOU CROSSED THE ROAD
There will always be a million different theories.
Me: Ah but you see I will be a chicken so I WILL ALREADY KNOW
Danya: Ah, so all chickens are just bitches by not telling anyone else.
Me: they cannot speak, dan.
for all we know all that goddamn clucking is them trying to impart all the secrets of the universe
and we just keep thinking they're hungry/stupid
Danya: They are hungry and mostly stupid.
Me: how do you know?
Danya: I kicked a chicken once.
And it just looked at me and clucked.
Me: hahahahahahaha
what???
Danya: No, I didn't kick a chicken.
But I shot at it with my katty.
Me: Dan!
Danya: I WAS YOUNG AND LIVING ON A FARM DO NOT JUDGE ME
Me: scandalous
well, you see!
it's probably all zen and shit on account of how its vast store of knowledge has helped it to transcend normal human boundaries of thought and understanding
which is why it just looked at you and clucked
had you been able to understand it, there would have been whole WORLDS of knowledge in that cluck
Danya: Does that mean it felt nothing? And you could legitimately kick chickens all day?
Me: NO DANYA THAT IS NOT WHAT I AM SAYING
I am saying that on account of it having ascended to a higher plane of existence, it understands you and your need to harm small farmyard animals, and does not begrudge you your base human impulses
Danya: So in that understanding comes forgiveness? And I could just do it over and over again and be forgiven every time?
Me: it didn't react or retaliate because it understands the futility of violence
you cannot just kick chickens when you feel like it
all you are doing is propagating an injurious and broken society
the chicken was trying to set an example
you should follow its lead
Danya: And let people kick me? I REFUSE TO CLUCK
Me: METAPHOR FOR LIFE.
If we all just kept kicking chickens when we felt like it, what would that make us?
Danya: ...I really feel like kicking a chicken now.
